According to a July 2006 NY Times article, "...military deployments have a way of chewing up marriages, turning daily life upside down and making strangers out of husbands and wives."
There is much debate around this topic - both the 2007 Rand Study and a recent release from the Department of Defense (March 2008) refute this NY Times statement. As a matter of fact, the Army, Air Force and Marines can sport a lower divorce rate than the national average. Yet, the conversations and experiences throughout the military chow halls and wives' clubs seem to support the NY Times statement.
This article is the first in a three-part series that will explore the debate as well as some of the most "common undertows" that pull military marriages down - and then take it one more step: how to prepare and strengthen your marriage to avoid divorce.
Regardless of your position on the debate, we know that lives are severely disrupted, that marriages are strained, that suicides are up among our returning soldiers and that more mental-health problems are occurring (AP, March 2008).
While this presents an ugly challenge, at least we know that challenges exist and now we can properly prepare for them. One of the strongest undertows to overcome? Complacency.
I was sitting in a coffee shop with one of my dear friends, Nebiye, when I saw a woman walk in and present the man who was sitting at the table next to me divorce papers. She took a seat, shoved a two inch stack of papers across the table and then they began addressing the issues...rather loudly.
What started out as a torrid romance and marriage somehow turned into failed expectations, disinterest and eventually an affair. There was no sense of interdependence - just independence, and no passion.
As [http://www.familybaptist.com/newdocs/VitaSheet.htm]Chaplain Alford shared, "you'll face challenges that have nothing to do with deployments" but deployments will compound the issues and you'll have to fighter harder to overcome the undertows.
So what can you do to overcome complacency and remain passionate about your spouse?
[mailto:Ackerman0123@msn.com?subject=Overcoming%20Complacency]Dr. Kenneth Ackerman, who has "coached" and counseled hundreds of military couples to stronger relationships points out that "couples function well when they are able to freely give and receive love and trust in a healthy interdependent relationship."
1. Look for ways to uplift your spouse. Cheryl and Jody, whose husbands were deployed for a number of months, sent "fun" packages. You know, the type that reminds us husbands why we married our spouse in the first place.
2. Work to keep the relationship in a deep trust. Women can build this in their husbands by respecting their husbands. Men can do this by professing and showing their love. Mike, who served over 300 combat patrols in Iraq, always found a way to send his wife flowers on special events, despite his being deployed. The book, " http://www.loveandrespect.com Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs explains how couples can establish their relationship in these two principles.
And finally, here's a question that my wife and I have posted on our mirror - one that regardless of the miles that may separate us at times, keeps us in check:
3. Would I want to be married to me?
If the answer is "yes", keep doing what you're doing; if "no", make changes. If you fail to make changes in your relationship, complacency will creep in, and I just may be sitting in that coffee shop observing the demise of your relationship. Don't let that happen.
Part II - Overcoming Indecision to be released first week in April.
Mike Schindler is the CEO for a web-based marketing firm, developing subscriber bases for some of the top Fortune 500 companies. He is also the founder of Operation Military Family - a company committed to raising the awareness of what resources, programs and tools are made available to our service members and families. OMF drives funds from book sales and speaking engagements back into military marriage related programs and the Veterans Family Fund.
More information can be found at http://www.operationmilitaryfamily.org/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Schindler http://EzineArticles.com/?Ensuring-Your-Military-Marriage-Succeeds-Despite-Long-Deployments---Part-I---Overcoming-Complacency&id=1061759
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