3 Tips for Safely Dealing With the Returning Military Personnel for Businesses and Families by John Mason

Let's start with a simple story regarding how many of we "civilians" have dealt with stressful situations. Perhaps something similar to this has happen to you. As an example, you get a call in the middle of the afternoon. You have just won a contest (or have to take care of a family emergency) and you have just 2 hours to get the business done or you lose out on this special deal... or family business. You must drive 40-50 miles to get where you need to be. You pull things together quickly and head out the door. As you jump into your car, you realize that you must fight commuter traffic to get where you are going and this will make your time pressure even greater. You get stuck in traffic and are surrounded by tired, frantic, hostile drivers that are all in a hurry. When you finally arrive at your destination, you are stressed and perhaps even a little traumatized by the harrowing events. Most of us can relate to this scenario and we can begin to recover from this experience. Now imagine the situation of a real life and death threat that does not end in a couple of hours but in a situation that goes on 24/7 (all day and all night) for 365 days. Whether they are under fire or not the very real threat of death is constantly there. This requires adaptations and adjustments that are both physical and mental. This is what our military personnel must confront when they are deployed in a combat zone for a one year tour of duty.

I once experienced being rear-ended in my car. It was horrific! As I decompressed from having my car "totaled," I lived with trauma and spent more time looking in my rear view mirror than I ever had before. After 8 or 9 months, I relaxed a bit, but I am still more aware and cautious about what is happening behind me as I drive down the road. People surviving in dangerous environments, for long periods of time, often do not just "switch off" the survival postures as soon as they return home. These people return home changed. They are never going to be exactly as they were before their deployment. This "change" is not necessarily bad, just different or maybe unfamiliar. It takes adjustment from both sides to allow for the healthiest re-integration for the returning combat personnel. Our returning family member, friend, or employee will require time to decompress and to ease back into "normal" routines. After a year of combat deployment and the "adrenaline rush" of working in a combat zone, they may not find that their basic jobs, or their family life, is as interesting or exciting as their lives were in deployment. In some cases people get "addicted" to the excitement of deployment and may want to re-deploy without the full support or understanding of their family or friends. There may be a change in "stateside" values where regular work may be boring or seem unimportant compared with combat duty.

If you are not a returned veteran, it is viewed as disingenuous to say, "I understand." What the returning vet is going through as the re-integration process develops. Unless you have been in combat, you probably can not accurately put yourself in their place. Since every individual who survives the traumas of combat in their own unique way, it may even be difficult to truly capture the state of mind of the returnee in every aspect of their psyche. It is not helpful for returning vets to feel that they are being "judged" by people who do not fully understand their situation.

The immediate "on" that is needed for survival "in country" is not easy to let go of even with the relative safety of being at home. Survival mode is difficult to switch off. "Knee jerk" survival habits may "kick in" in response to home side situations like sudden noise or traffic congestion. Expect change! For family re-integration, it may be best to continue normal family routines and let your returned vet learn to fit into your routine without expectations of the length of time that this requires, and without the expectation that the vet will be able to "jump in" to the normal family routines. Solid and consistent routines will help. This can be made even more difficult when babies or young children are part of the family. Both the child/baby and the returning vet will both have re-adjustments to make.

Tips for Dealing with Your Returning Vet:

1. "Home Coming" ritual should be discussed, in advance, with your returning vet. Re-integration may be best suited with a "heros" return for some vets but a quiet return and being "left alone" for a while may be the request of the returning person and should be respected! Be happy, but do not force anything. Even a loving family deluge may be difficult until your returning person is really ready. So communicate about this in preparation of the return.

2. Re-integration into the family (and back into "normal" life) should begin within 2-4 weeks but can take much longer. When enough time has passed, a gentle pressure to "normalize" can be applied. A future article will discuss this issue of "Enough time."

3. A "Safety Plan" for a "TTO" (Training Time Out) should be in place even before deployment. This will include a "code word" or "signal" that when an agitated person needs to take a break from a discussion due to the upsetting nature of the content or situation a safe, short term separation for a Set Amount of Time should be allowed and encouraged before continuing the discussion. (A recommended half hour or more to "cool down" and to practice stress management should be arranged.) If one "time out", TTO, is not enough, then you should come back together and request this additional time. It is important to return, when ready, to complete discussion rather than to walk away and leave unfinished business in an unsatisfactory, unresolved way. We all have the urge to "handle things now" and we can't end the discussion until there is a resolution. This is neither healthy nor realistic, many issues take time and considerable thought before coming to a conclusion. We also need to learn that not every situation has to have a "winner" and a "loser," simply different views. Safety for both parties is the key!!!

Dave Thomason is a 24 year Navy veteran serving in the 1991 Gulf War, 1999 Kosovo Campaign, and the Global War on Terrorism. He is currently working as and Educator/Consultant to the Navy on Domestic Abuse, Stress and Anger, and Combat Stress."
L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling "Guide to Stress Reduction." Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center's website at http://www.dstress.com Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free ezine signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the http://www.dstress.com/training_cert.html Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=L._John_Mason http://EzineArticles.com/?3-Tips-for-Safely-Dealing-With-the-Returning-Military-Personnel-for-Businesses-and-Families&id=1150142